221 | The Guilt of Letting Go – What to Do When Purging is Difficult

With all the things that we keep in our homes that we store, how many of those do we really use on a regular basis? Do we use it all? How many of these things do we need? If you take the time to take a good, hard look around and inventory, what you have, how much of this stuff do you really want to have taking up your space and occupying your time? Guilt is one of the things that is common that we face when we are in the purging and going through this process of decluttering, our homes, guilt can be a strong force when it comes to purging and letting go and really. Contributing to the deciding factor in why we keep things that we are never going to use.

And haven’t used in years. Yeah. Being in a place where we’re feeling guilt or shame is not somewhere that any of us [00:02:00] want to be, that feeling of guilt means that you feel responsible or. Potentially feeling likely you’re going to regret a decision that you’re about to make There are different reasons that Gill. Comes over us and makes us feel like we shouldn’t get rid of things If you’re a longtime listener of the intentional edit podcast, then you know that I’ve always been an organized per se. And it is something that has always been important to me. I have seen the value in being organized.

I’ve understood. The benefits of organization, even when I really didn’t know what they were, but I was a very aware, even as a child of how it felt to live in a messy cluttered space compared to, to an organized and orderly space. I know not at the level that I understand why these thing is impact our lives and contribute to stress when we’re not organized. I can go back to a specific memory is where I felt the need to be more organized or to declutter my space or as her rearrange my bedroom, because I needed it to function and I needed it to be more organized.

So I don’t think I was aware to why I was doing it, but I can go back to those memories and feel how I felt. Needing to make a space that was more comfortable and that was, was going to function better for what I wanted and to have this a cohesive, comfortable room. That was where I would spend most of my is high. Because I do that.

I was a better version of myself and I felt better when there was less clutter. And when things were organized in orderly, I couldn’t go back my entire life and pick out specific examples of time was where I needed to get rid of things. It wasn’t prompted by anyone but myself. I needed to get rid of things I needed to declutter and I needed to organize and [00:04:00] create that order.

I prefer order, and I know that I do better. Absolutely everything in my life. When things are organized and when there is order happening, that’s just who I am. I don’t know why that is, but that’s who I am. We all know that being organized has so many benefits. But for years, I know that even knowing that I understand. How organization and how a clutter for your home benefits, everyone who lives to the hole in the hole and the people that come for a visit, the benefits are numerous.

We’ve talked about those on many episodes. And even knowing this on a professional level, as I got older, that’s much different from the examples that I could give you. Of understanding and knowing how I wanted to be organized as a child. having these skills and knowing the benefits of being organized. I was still keeping thing is, and choosing not to get rid of them because of guilt, because I felt guilt. About letting something go for one reason or another.

So even though I know the benefits of being organized, I understand, and I have seen on both a personal and a professional level. But thousands of people. Have a benefit and transform their lives. Going from a cluttered space with a lack of organization. To de-cluttering and then having organization, I’ve seen the benefits over and over and over and over again. even though that is my story, there were times where I was feeling guilty about getting rid of things. So I was hanging on to things I didn’t need to hold onto. I was holding on to things like unwanted gifts. And item is that I wasn’t using.

They were no longer serving me. My family. Wasn’t using them. But my [00:06:00] organization skills made it possible that I could keep more stuff in a less space because I am really good at organizing and baking things fit. And so it would be orderly. And I still knew exactly where everything was. I knew what I had.

I knew where everything was located, but I was keeping so much stuff that we were not using. And I for sure did not need these things. We really weren’t using any of them. And I didn’t even like some of the stuff I never liked it. Maybe it was a gift to that. was a duplicate to something else I already had, or it wasn’t my style or I didn’t like it. But I had this guilt around getting rid of it.

So I kept it. I just put it away. On a high up shelf. It was out of the way it was organized properly. But it was something that I didn’t need to keep. So even having it organized and it make any sense, these items were stored away, but I was keeping them simply because I felt guilty about getting rid of them. What I look back at that time or those years? I didn’t really acknowledge or recognize that I was doing that because the things were still organized.

They weren’t in my face on a daily basis. There has never been a time in my life where anyone could have walked into my house and say that it was cluttered or messy, or there was too much stuff. In fact, if we’re being honest, people would always come over and make comments about how organized everything was and how neat I kept my house.

It was always too neat. Neat and tidy and everything was organized. like I’ve mentioned a few minutes ago, I’ve always been organized. That has never been a skill that ha that I’ve been lacking. But for a lot of people, the guilt of getting rid of things. the lack of organization, those two things come together.

So you have this need to get organized, but you also have the need to remove clutter. That’s why I always say you [00:08:00] have to remove the clutter before you organize. You have to spend time purging before you’re organized, or you’re simply just organizing the clutter and you’re not going to end up with the results that you want. even when I was in elementary school, I was hoping. My friend’s I got to organize my friend’s closet one time and hope her go through stuff and get rid of it.

And that was so exciting for me. It was fun to do that. And even then as 10, 11, 12 year olds, I was teaching people in my life how to organize their belongings and how to make things so that they could find them faster and know where they were because of these good intentions with organization. I’ve also always had times where I could go clean out a closet or I could complete any type of organizing project different projects because I wanted to reorganize something.

Or I felt like I wanted to upgrade a drawer or I can make this closet better or make the organization in this cabinet better or whatever it was. And I could get rid of some thing is. So it’s not like I was keeping everything or I was hoarding things. It’s just, there were some things that I felt guilty about getting rid of, and I was keeping them when I didn’t need to keep them.

So I was filling up space. That could have been empty or that could have been used with things that we actually wanted or things that we were actually using.

There were a few items that could be up on a high up shelf or in a container in my attic or things that were really out of sight. a vase. This someone had given me or a cookie jar for there was holiday decorations and it could be stored away in an out of place location. It was a location, like a high shelf that was more difficult to get to. And it wasn’t really in the way I knew it was there.

It wasn’t something that I thought about, but I was never going to use it. I was never going to get it out. I [00:10:00] was simply keeping it because someone gave it to me. They gifted it to me and I felt guilty about getting rid of it. It wasn’t something that I liked. It wasn’t something that I ever used. Sometimes these were items that I had used.

I put it on the counter or I displayed it as a holiday decoration or brought it out. At different times, but it never felt good to bring it out. It always felt like I am using this vase now because these people are coming over and I’m using it out of obligation. I felt like I was going to let the person down that gave it to me. If I didn’t have it anymore. Or if they never saw it I know that many of you can relate to this at some time in your life. If you have a clutter, some of that clutter is usually in your comb because you feel bad. You feel guilt, you have shame around getting rid of it. You feel bad just like I did. And you don’t want to make someone else feel that because you get rid of something that they bought for you or that they gave you.

Or a lot of times this happens with hand me downs. It’s like your parents had a piece of furniture or artwork or picture or something, and they don’t want it anymore. They don’t feel like it fits in their home. And for some reason they’re not going to keep it in. Their home. they decided to give it to you.

they feel guilty about donating it and getting rid of it completely. So they have shifted it to you. And now you carry that burden and that’s a whole nother episode. That’s, that’s not fair either, but now you have this burden of holding onto this thing of storing this thing of cleaning this thing.

It takes up your time. It takes up your space and you don’t want to either. If you really go into this and analyze what’s happening here, would we hold onto things because of guilt, this whole idea of keeping something, because we feel bad about getting rid of it or bad about donating it. It’s actually ridiculous. [00:12:00] if I never used an item. How would that person that gifted it to me even know that I still had it.

 Think about that for a second. Why are we keeping things? Because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but they never see these items, or they don’t even remember that they gave us these things.

They don’t remember that they were the one that picked them out that. It obviously wasn’t important to them if they don’t remember a year or two down the road, that they were even the one that purchased that.

We are keeping these things. So we don’t hurt someone else’s feelings. We’re keeping these things out of obligation.

A few years ago, I think it was 2017, maybe 2018. I was on a mission and I went through every single thing in my house, every room, every closet, every container, every item or big bin that was stored in my attic, every drawer, every cabinet in a bathroom or a bedroom or a kitchen. Every single thing.

When I say every single thing, that’s truly what I mean. I did one area after another area after another area. And it was a massive purging project if you really think about it, because I spent the time to go through my house and I did this and I finally let myself get rid of every single item that I was holding out of guilt.

If I wasn’t using it or my family wasn’t using it, we didn’t need it. And it was something that we didn’t really want, then those things that I was storing, even if it was on a shelf away up high. I knew I hadn’t wanted those things for most likely many years. And I finally gave myself permission to not keep those things.

They were taking a valuable space in my home. it was finally a time that I could let go. And when I tell you that the guilt went away and. [00:14:00] The feeling that came in was this overwhelming relief? I was so, so relieved. To finally let go of these items. I can’t even explain to you how good it felt to not be keeping these things.

I wasn’t even aware. I have the burden that these things had over me. It was like this whole, they had over me. I wasn’t aware of that. I knew I felt guilty about getting rid of them. So I was keeping them. But what was so much a better than feeling that guilt and having that stress and that burden of keeping those things. Was the sense of relief. I finally gave myself permission to let go.

And as I would take these things to be donated. It was a feeling of relief every single time. It was like, phew, I don’t have to deal with that anymore.

WHen I’ve worked with clients and friends. That have spent time decluttering and doing what I did, where you are finally giving yourself permission to let go of that guilt and do what you need to do. What will best serve your family? When these people tell me that when they got rid of a lot of stuff and they finally have an organized room and different areas of their house are organized and simplified and the clutter is gone, they have a more, a room and an area of their home that wants, felt cluttered.

They say it feels like they can finally take a deep breath. They, they haven’t been able to do this in years. And most of the time they didn’t even realize that, but it’s like, no, I can finally take a deep breath and enjoy my home. Those stories made me think back to the time of when I was happily taking small loads to the store to donate.

And every time it felt good and every time I felt that release, I would drop the bags and the boxes of donations often, then I would drive away. I probably had a smile on my face and [00:16:00] I was thinking like, oh, finally, it’s gone. I’m so happy to get rid of this stuff that I didn’t even need. And the best part of that is when you’re donating this stuff. You have things that served you at one time, usually. That you hold on to and you do not need, you do not use, you do not want anymore, but it doesn’t mean that someone else isn’t looking for those things or isn’t needing those things. You get to get rid of them.

You get to feel good. You get to feel the relief. You get to take the deep breath because you de-cluttered. You get to wash away that guilt. It’s not there anymore. And someone else also gets to benefit because now they have things they have access. Two things that they are looking for, and then they actually do need, or do want. And when I’m talking about getting rid of stuff, this was all stuff that was stored in my home and it was orderly.

It was stored somewhere, nicely organized it wasn’t stacked up behind the sofa or inner room or on a counter making all kinds of clutter and. Being an eyesore because my home wasn’t full of stuff. It was still orderly. It was all placed neatly in a cabinet or closet or somewhere out of sight. And it wasn’t adding to that outward appearance of clutter in the home.

But because it was stuff that we weren’t using, we didn’t need, we didn’t like. We didn’t use, it was still fitting that definition of clutter. It still was clutter. And I simply wasn’t getting rid of it because of guilt.

I’m sharing this story with you today because the truth is

even in a neat and tidy home, that stuff, that extra stuff, it was a burden to me. It really was burdening me. It was adding to this like low level underlying stress. And I wasn’t even aware that that was happening. Oh, Till I was able to get it out of my house [00:18:00] and donate it and not have it burdening me anymore.

It was putting a strain on my time. It was. Wasting time when I was shuffling things around or would move things. It was something that I had to deal with. Even though it was out of sight. And even though things were organized, this is why we always want to make sure that we declutter and we do. I say you like ruthless, purging. We want to do that before we ever put the time into organizing so that we can organize properly. the thing is that we keep out of guilt.

They take up mental space. the physical space that I got back Once I let go of those things. Because remember I was keeping them simply because I felt guilty and I didn’t want to possibly hurt someone else’s feelings. When those people wouldn’t even know if I had those things or if I had gotten rid of them already. in the situation that I was sharing about my own personal experience. It was because I didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. I didn’t want, I felt like I would be letting someone down, if I got rid of these things and I didn’t want to do that. That was the one that type of guilt.

Sometimes the guilt is a guilt associated with the fact that we wasted money. Why do we have these things? Why did we purchase these things? If we spend our hard earned money on this. And we get rid of it, then we feel guilty because we wasted the money. If you use this at one time, most of the things we buy are not forever.

You got your money’s worth out of it. Or sometimes we have purchases. That simply are not what we thought they were going to be. We had good intentions behind. Buying a workout equipment or a craft project, or a new hobby that we are going to start, but it’s been years now. And we simply have not put any time into doing that.

And it’s not an interest or something that we want to spend our time doing now. And it hasn’t been for a few [00:20:00] years. So the money was wasted when we purchased it. It’s not wasted by getting rid of it. That that’s another type of guilt that we feel. And so a lot of times we do not give our selves permission to let go of these things and to get rid of them.

The other thing that’s common is when you feel like you should keep something, because just in case, like you might need it in the future. What if I get rid of this and I need it, what if I need it? Just, I’m just going to keep it just in case those thoughts and feelings. Those challenge are. Process when we’re trying to declutter and it often hinders us and it holds us back from, uh, removing these things from our home and decluttering.

So we can truly get organized now, guilt associated with getting rid of things or donating things. There’s a few reasons for that. I just explained a couple of those. Sometimes the guilt is often associated because it is a memory. And you think if you get rid of this item, then you’re giving that memory away. Or you won’t have that memory anymore.

And so there is shame or guilt associated with that. There’s different reasons why we have that shame and guilt, it comes from different places sometimes. But I can tell you one thing, it does not serve us. It’s holding us back. It’s, uh, making it so that we are living in a home that has more clutter and that is less organized than it should be.

if you are feeling like you want to get rid of things and you can identify with holding on to some of this stuff, some of these items. Some of these physical belongings out of guilt. I want you to take a few minutes and really think about this and ask yourself. When are you going to give yourself permission?

When are you going to say it’s okay to get rid of these things. It’s okay to let go of these things. It’s now time that. [00:22:00] Myself. And my family gets to live with the benefits of removing the clutter and finally being able to organize and create a home and an environment in your home that feels good instead of an environment that is cluttered.

And that is burdening you. You get to choose. You get to make this decision. And once you say it’s time, I’m committed, I’m going to let go of the guilt and the shame. Those are things that I tossing out the window. I’m not going to let those hold me back anymore. We’re going to move forward because I want to get to the place where I feel relief because I donated these things.

I got the clutter out of my house. I took the time to remove the clutter and the items that we don’t use, that we aren’t needing anymore, that we don’t even want anymore. Ask yourself. When are you going to say that? It’s okay. To release the guilt and the shame. To declutter your home and to finally let the burden, let it go. And led the relief set in, so you can move forward with an intentional home. That you curate for your family.

That feels good. And that is how you want your home to be. And a life that you want to be living in this home environment that you get to create. We’re going to wrap it up and I’m going to leave you with those thoughts. Take these few minutes as this episode ends and think about when is the right time for you? When are you going to. Say the guilt and the shame. Or I’m leaving in the past, I’m saying goodbye to the guilt and the shame that surrounds me, decluttering my home and finally get it organized. And finally creating this home environment that you have been desiring. When are you going to say goodbye?

And when are you going to [00:24:00] finally get to feel that relief and move forward and creating this home environment that you have been creating? Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening today. I will meet you back here for the next episode in just a few days.