Knowing you would benefit from slowing down is one thing, but actually doing it is another.  On episode 66 of The Intentional Edit Podcast we learn how to identify overwhelm, the benefits of doing less, and tools to find the confidence to start saying no to commitments and obligations that aren’t serving us in this current stage of life.  The special guest today is a therapist and life coach that is sharing her knowledge so that we can reduce the overwhelm and start feeling good!

 

 

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Episode 66 - Identifying OVERWHELM and Finding the CONFIDENCE TO SAY NO to Anything that Isn’t Serving You with Special Guest Devoney Kodad of Free and Well

 

 

 

 

Full Episode Transcription (not edited):

(00:00):

Knowing you would benefit from slowing down is one thing, but actually doing it is another on episode 66 of the intentional edit podcast, we learn how to identify overwhelm the benefits of doing less and tools to find the confidence, to start saying no to commitments and obligations that aren’t serving us in this current stage of life. The special guest today is a therapist and life coach that is sharing her knowledge so that we can reduce the overwhelm and start feeling good.

(00:28):

Hey moms, welcome to the intentional edit podcast. Do you wanna stop feeling overwhelmed and finally get your home organized. Do you find yourself up late at night, worrying about how you are going to get everything done and not drop the ball? You are wondering where to start and what to do. There is never enough time in the day. The piles of laundry are building up and it’s already time for after school activities, homework, snacks, and carpool. Again, I’m Lauren. I too want an organized, clean home where my family can make long lasting memories and be present in the moment feeling like there’s never enough time to complete all the daily tasks is exhausting simplicity all around a healthy mule on the table at dinnertime and a family that contributes to the chores really is attainable. Stop telling yourself that you have to do it all or it will never get done, or that picky eaters will never allow for a complain free dinner. In this podcast, you will learn exactly how to declutter implement systems and maximize routines that remove the overwhelming unorganized parts of life. Bringing simplicity to your life and home. Come on. It’s time to create a life you love.

(01:36):

Hi friends. Welcome to another intentional edit podcast episode. Today, we have an extra special guest joining us. She is a dog mom, a nature lover, obsessed with oatmeal lattes and empowers women to stop doubting and comparing themselves and guides them to start feeling more confident. Devonne is our guest today, and she says that she’s on a mission to help young women start fully standing in their worth and have powerful psychology based tools so they can stop holding back, start speaking up and start taking confident, perfectly and perfect action in their lives. I know you’re going to love this episode. Please join me in welcoming this therapist, life coach and the host of the free and well podcast. Devony. Thank you so much for taking your time to pour into the intentional edit podcast listeners

(02:24):

Today. Yeah, I was so excited to be here.

(02:27):

Tell us a little bit about how you started your business and where your passion for empowering women and helping them find confidence come from, comes from

(02:35):

Ooh. Yeah, such a good question. So I am a licensed therapist. That’s the journey that I’ve been on over the last handful of years. And I started my coaching business a couple years ago and I think really the center of this business being really wanting to help young women grow their confidence. I think a lot of that came from my own journey of, you know, a lot of self-doubt a lot of comparison, a lot of perfectionism, things like that. And as I went through grad school and I started just learning more tools and really having these own, you know, experiences within my own life and within my own healing journey realized how powerful it is when you start to feel just so much more grounded in who you are and in your self worth. Because as I started to learn these tools and to really practice them and to see these changes in myself, I started to really see the changes in my life and how different things felt.

(03:38):

And the, you know, opportunities that I was placing myself in front of are really opening up to just how much more I felt like was available in life and like how I showed up differently in situations. I think there are so many women who it’s so easy to get caught up in our heads and to be so caught up in the self doubt and in all of these thoughts that it really keeps us from experiencing what I think God has for us and really everything that can be experienced in life and sharing, sharing our mission, or really excelling in our purpose and like really enjoying life to its fullest. And so that’s really what, I’m what I’m here for, what I’m so here for.

(04:19):

I love that. And I especially love that you took all this professional knowledge and tied it in with your personal experiences.

(04:26):

Yeah. Yeah. It’s been really powerful.

(04:29):

So a lot has changed in the last couple of years, but it seems, seems like a lot of people are still living with that hustle, harder mindset, working hard and setting goals can be a good thing. But sometimes as moms and young women life can be busy and overwhelming, constantly adding to the to-do list can seem like a way to get things done. We can check those things off the list and then once they’re finished, like we’ll finally have that relief, but it never ends that to do list just keeps growing. And there’s always something to do if someone is in that place. And they’re trying to get to the spot where they can finally breathe again and have some downtime here and there. What can we do to feel okay with slowing down in a world of that constant go, go, go,

(05:14):

Ooh, that is, <laugh> so much in there. Right. There’s okay. So there’s a million different directions that I could go with that. Cause I think this topic is so important. So I think the first thing that I would really encourage your listeners to think about is in each season and that could be a metaphorical season of life, right? Like maybe you have, you know, a newborn, like this is a season of life, right? Where you have a little newborn or maybe it’s a, a literal season of okay, over the next three months, identifying what are my priorities? Like what are the things that really matter in my relationships and my work in like just the fun area of my life in my health, what are the things that really, really matter to me? And as we identify what our priorities are, we can start practicing really focusing on those and allowing ourselves to let go of all of the extras.

(06:16):

Right. Because I can imagine, and I know for myself, like I’m a great overcomplicate, I’m great at like just forever adding more things to my list of to-dos right. And so really being able to get clear on, okay, this month or over the next couple months, what are my actual priorities? And I’m committing to just focusing on those. That is enough. That is enough for me. And I think another thing realistically is learning to be okay with the fact that my to-do list is just kind of always moving and gro and doing its own thing. Even with my workflow that we’ve created on like Trello, right. With my, all my business workflow, like I get stuff done. And then I put it back in the list because I need to do it again in a couple days or next week, or like that’s just life. Right. Like freaking groceries. Right. Like why can’t I just go once? And then I’m just forever stocked. Right. It’s like these things that will continue to come up, but really embracing that’s okay. Like that’s okay. And allowing it to not feel like something that I have to get done and have to do perfectly all of the time.

(07:35):

So it’s okay to have those reoccurring tasks. And of course I’m always saying and teaching about how to create systems and routines to simplify all of those tasks. But I love that you’re saying like, it’s okay, don’t let these things that we always have to do that are just part of life burden us.

(07:55):

Yeah. 100%. And I would even challenge people to think about, um, like how, how can I make this even a little more enjoyable or how can I really be present in this? Right. Because really a lot of our life is the day to day and it can start to feel mundane. And so it’s like asking, how can I find more joy here? What could I do? Or what mindset could I approach this with that would maybe make it feel a little bit more enjoyable. And I think another thing too, with the, the hustle and the go go go is I think really asking yourself again, coming back to values and priorities, like what actually matters to you, because I can imagine that if we actually paused and asked ourselves what actually matters to you, it’s probably not being productive a hundred percent of the time.

(08:49):

It’s probably feeling connected and, you know, serving and having fun and having good relationships with the people around you or right. And so if we’re able to really pause and ask ourselves about what matters that can really help us start letting go of really, it’s a habit, it’s a habit of like, I need to fill my time all the time and do all the things. So it can really start helping us, let go of that and move into the space of what actually matters. How can I start stepping into that today? What would that look like?

(09:25):

Refocusing the priorities and really zoning in on the season of life. And I’m always caught saying like, what phase of life, what season of life, what stage are you in? Because your priority is need to change depending on what the season of life looks like for you in this moment. And the things that work at one part of life don’t work at another, or you have to make little changes to make sure that it’s working for you today.

(09:53):

Yeah. A hundred percent. And I think that your priorities can change, right? Because in some seasons, like I know there are certain people who are really big into, I need to exercise, you know, four to five days a week and then they have a baby or they have an ill family member. And it’s like our priorities change based on life and what’s happening. And so we have to be able to ebb and flow with that because if we don’t, then we get into this space of, well, I’m gonna, I we’re judging ourselves all the time. We’re criticizing ourselves all the time. Like, why can’t I do this thing? Why can’t I be working out four days a week when I used to be able to do that? And it’s like, well, you have a baby or you have someone that you’re taking care of or right. So it allows us to step into that self compassion as well, which is so necessary,

(10:43):

Right? AB absolutely. And be being present in the phase of life that you are currently in. When I work with clients on creating systems and routines to simplify, I emphasize the importance of doing what you can in this season of life. And sometimes that means saying, no, not committing, not overcommitting or removing things from the calendar that are not imperative because you can’t do it all in every season of life. What are some ways to identify overwhelm in these type of situations?

(11:15):

Mm. Yeah. I mean, I think some great ways to start noticing would be there’s, there’s a couple different things. I think first, I, I always love encouraging people to schedule like a daily check-in or you just take a second, put your hands on your heart, take a breath, like a nice, slow breath. And literally just ask yourself, like, how am I feeling? And then naming one or two feelings that you’re having, because often, especially if we’re going, going, going, we don’t check in with ourselves. Right. We don’t take the time to actually say like, how am I? Because we’re busy taking care of other people we’re busy doing, we’re busy, then scrolling, we’re busy doing all the things. So I think the first thing would be, yeah, you know, once a day, just taking a second, putting everything down, putting your hands on your heart and just taking a nice breath and saying, how am I feeling right now?

(12:08):

And then I think some other ways to identify overwhelm for me, I feel like noticing things like, do you feel tense all the time? Are you feeling on edge? Are you feeling stressed? Are people just like fricking annoying? You left and right. Like, are you feeling super irritable? Those are some things that for me, I keep a close eye on because I’m like, okay, if everyone’s annoying me, <laugh>, you know, if I’m feeling tense all the time, those are some really good signs to me that, that I I’m feeling overwhelmed and that I kind of need to see what I can, what I can change or do.

(12:46):

Okay. I love that. You said, just take a minute, check in with yourself. And it reminds you of me of when the apple watch first came out and it gave you that that little circle would go around and it would tell you to breathe. And it was like, yeah, you need to do this. But how many people really are mindful to do that? And that little check in, I mean, we need to take care of ourselves. Yeah. And so often you’re taking care of everyone else. You’re taking care of your job. You’re taking care of all the external things, but you are not that important, but you are, you should be very important. Yeah. And that little check-in that I feel like that could really change the course of your day. And if you’re doing that a few times throughout the day, and when that becomes a habit, when that’s a game changer.

(13:35):

Yeah. Because as soon as we realize like, Ooh, I’m actually feeling overwhelmed or really stressed, or, you know, then you can ask yourself, okay, what do I need here? Well, would feel helpful for me to do right now. And then we can hopefully make that choice, which like you said, can totally kind of change the course of the rest of our day. Right. So versus being like annoyed and on edge and like just super stressed for the rest of the day, you can intentionally do something that will feel helpful and then kind of shift your mood, which then shifts everything else.

(14:07):

And if you are in that or you recognize that, okay, I am overwhelmed. Everything is irritating me right now. I don’t feel great. How could you maybe take it down a notch? Start slowing down.

(14:21):

Yeah. Yeah. I think on, on the bigger picture, if you’re finding yourself in that situation, I would ask yourself, what are the, like, what are my actual priorities right now in this season, if I could only identify, or maybe it’s even for the day, what are my one or two or three priorities today or right now. Right. And what can I let go of? That’s not, not really in line with that, or that’s not supporting that. Or so whether that’s delegating asking for help, even though that can feel so hard, right. Or whether that’s just, okay, I actually don’t need to do, I, I don’t need to be trying to go to the gym or working out five days a week. I don’t need to be doing that right now. Three is enough for right now. Right. So kind of like asking, what can I simplify?

(15:06):

What can I let go of? And that’s so in line with what you do right. Of like, what’s actually important here, what can I let go of? Because I think a huge thing that leads to this overwhelm is this need to do all the things. And this need to, if we feel like we need to be everything to everyone and we need to right, like do all the things, do all the things perfectly. We need to be the yes person. And then we end up burnt out and exhausted and resentful. So it’s like, we, we don’t have the capacity to do everything we have to choose. What’s important right now.

(15:44):

Exactly. And a lot of time is when I work with some of my coaching clients, they are familiar with priorities and identifying priorities in terms of work or school or education or anything. But they haven’t gotten into a practice of identifying priorities for themselves, their home, their family, they’re more functioning on habits and getting through the day, going through the motions to really shift that focus and be intentional with priorities is very important.

(16:15):

Yeah. Yeah. I think that’s so powerful. Yeah. Just refocusing on what actually matters cuz yeah. Habits can take over whether it’s like mental habits, right. Ways of thinking that we have that aren’t helpful or whether it’s actual ways of showing up and moving through our day that aren’t helpful. We have the choice. We can make the choice to try something different.

(16:33):

If they have noticed, like if a person is making a shift, they’re identifying their priorities. And then they realize, you know what, I really do need to take a step back. I need to slow down for myself and for my family. What are the benefits of slowing down?

(16:50):

I mean, I would just say greater wellbeing in general, right? Because it’s like when we’re not living in line with what our priorities are with what our values are with, what’s actually important to us when we’re not living in line with that. There’s a lot of negative consequences. And I know, you know, some that I like, I will physically feel it if I’m showing up in a way that isn’t really in line with, what’s actually important for me. Right. If I’m doing too much, you’ll feel it. Right. Like you’ll feel, it you’ll feel like a heaviness or just feeling off or feeling overwhelmed. And so I think some of those benefits of really being willing to slow down are just feeling more peace internally. Right. And just feeling better in general, like just greater wellbeing. And I think that as you start to slow down, another amazing benefit is that you’ll start to tune in and really be able to hear your own voice, which I feel like a lot of us have a hard time connecting with, but we have to create downtime for that to happen.

(17:54):

Right. We have to create space to be able to know how am I feeling? Well, you have to create a quiet moment and ask yourself that, to be able to hear that as you’re able to slow down, we can then start asking ourselves these questions of like, what’s actually important. How do I feel in this moment? What do I need here? What would feel helpful? Just feeling more in tune with ourselves. And then as we do that, we can start communicating that better to other people. And then that will affect our relationships and how we show up. It really just like, it really EMPS everything

(18:31):

For sure. Absolutely. It does. When you were talking, it made me think I kind of experienced that where I was a person that would always say yes to everything. And I was committing to a lot of things that I didn’t necessarily wanna be doing, but I felt like I would let people down or make like, they would feel bad if I didn’t go along or go to dinner or, you know, whatever it was. And I’ve taught both elementary and high school. When you’re a teacher, you are never alone. You never have a minute of quiet time throughout the day. But now that I’m older and in a different position, I can look back and I can think, no wonder I wasn’t physically exhausted. I was exhausted from being around people all the time. And I would feel so much better when I could have a day or a couple hours just here and there of time where I wasn’t talking to people, I wasn’t socializing, I wasn’t doing anything. And it was like, now I realize I can’t do things all the time. Not because it’s physically exhausting, but because that’s not what is good for me. And I have to choose me over saying yes to some of these things.

(19:44):

Yeah. 100%. And I think like I resonate with being an extroverted introvert. So that, that recharging quiet time is so important. And then if you have people in your community who resonate with, um, or heard of like highly sensitive people, so there’s this, you know, quality or personality trait, that’s highly sensitive people. And as a highly sensitive person, I’m very sensitive to people’s emotions, very sensitive to like certain sensory things. And so with that, there’s this heightened level as well of needing like certain intentional downtime to be just with yourself because some of us get very easily. Uh what’s what’s the term like overstimulated, right? Overstimulated, whether it’s with com conversations or with people, or even just with like busy big rooms, like maybe there are certain people that you just get drained by that. And that’s that’s okay. Right. And we need to acknowledge that and then be willing to like, okay, what do I need? Like what you did, that’s so powerful.

(20:51):

Well, and I think at the beginning of the pandemic, when it was like, okay, we can’t go anywhere for two weeks. And then it was a month. I was like, I love this. I mean, I don’t have to go out. I don’t have to see people. I could just be at home. I mean, and obviously there’s people within my home as overwhelming as the state of the world was, it was like, I was enjoying the fact that I could just be at home and not have to interact and not have that draining feeling where I needed to recharge. Because like you said, you like, I’m very similar to what you were saying. I so relate to people and I feel like I really listen to their stories and take on the, like their emotions and soak that in. So then you have to recharge just to be yourself again.

(21:41):

Yeah. Yeah. And it’s like, especially even like at the end of a, a client day where I’ve had, you know, five, six sessions, like I have to have that quiet downtime and, and typically going outside, like taking, taking a walk or something like that and just really letting yourself recharge. And even if you’re at home with littles or whatever it is that you’re doing that alone time, even if it’s just for a couple minutes is so important.

(22:09):

Absolutely. Going on that a little bit. I now am comfortable with saying, no, I definitely am far from perfect, but I know my boundaries a little bit more. So I’m a little, I’m more comfortable with that. But what happens when you are in that state and you’re still jumping at saying yes to these opportunities committing to things and you struggle to say no, because you feel like you will disappoint people. You feel like you will let them down and you don’t wanna do that. You, of course you don’t wanna let someone down. How can you cut things down or start saying no, like where does that confidence come from?

(22:46):

Yeah. Such a great question. If we’re talking about starting, if we just wanna start saying yes, a little bit less, I think a great starting point is just when someone asks you to do something, take a breath and just create like a pause. Right. Cause I think for so many of us, it’s just like an impulse almost it’s this impulsive reaction to say. Yeah, of course. And then we don’t even really know what it is or how much commitment it’s gonna take or how much time or energy it’s gonna take. So I would say just starting with just taking a breath and if we wanna go a step further would be taking that breath and then saying, can I get back to you? Can I look at my calendar and get back to you in a couple of hours? Or can I get back to you tomorrow? Obviously, assuming that it’s not urgent, but can I get back to you because then you can take that time on your own to look at your schedule and to really think about, do I have the space for this? Is this within the realm of what feels important? And sometimes it will. And sometimes it will, but just creating a little bit of space between us getting asked to do something and then instinctively and almost impulsively, just responding. So taking a breath and, or saying, can I get back to you in a couple hours or tomorrow?

(24:12):

Okay. So really just taking that time and it lets you think about it and it makes you aware of what you’re committing to.

(24:19):

And I think even asking too, why do I want to do this? Why do I want to say yes? Is it because I care about this person and I really wanna be helpful? Heck yeah. Then if you have the time to do it right. But if it’s, why am I wanting to do this? Oh, well I don’t want them to get upset with me. That’s different. Right? That’s different. That’s something that we can then kind of be like, okay, well, do I actually have the time and the energy will this bring me joy? Is this gonna benefit the relationship? Right. Thinking about those other pieces versus just instinctively saying yes, because I don’t wanna upset someone because that’s, if we do that every day, if we do that regularly, that leads to this burnout, this resentment, these, you know, kind of unbalanced relationships too sometimes.

(25:11):

Yes. Right. You’re you’re just constantly giving you’re taking from yourself and you have to have the time to replenish yourself too.

(25:18):

Yeah.

(25:19):

I love all of this and I just, I love what you shared today. I can’t wait until I can go back and listen to everything because I feel like I, I need to re-listen and really soak it in. Thank you so much for giving our listeners this insight. I know you have so much more to offer and your podcast is amazing. Tell us where to listen to your podcast and how to connect with you to continue this conversation.

(25:45):

Yeah, absolutely. Thanks so much for having me. So definitely just head to the free and well podcast. You can look it up anywhere where you can listen to podcast and it’s the, and sign, not the, the word and so free and then the and sign well free andwell podcast. And then I also have a Facebook community. Um, you can go to free andwell community.com and that will take you over to my Facebook group.

(26:09):

Perfect. Thank you so much. I have one final question to wrap this up. It’s a question I ask every podcast guest. I just want to know what is one household task that is not your favorite things to do, and if you could, you would outsource it. So you, it can be like cooking, cleaning, laundry, anything around the house or even outside. And then, so what’s the, what’s that one thing you don’t like, and then what’s the one thing that you don’t mind doing?

(26:37):

Hmm. I would say the thing that I don’t like, and honestly, probably just don’t don’t do, I don’t do the nooks and crannies. I don’t clean. I don’t, you know, like the deep dive nooks and crannies, not, not into that. Don’t think I do that at all actually. And <laugh> I probably should, um, I do enough to like, feel like the house is clean, you know? And then something that I don’t mind, I would say, I really don’t mind cleaning the kitchen and just like wiping everything down and it’s just like a nice, shiny surface makes me feel like I have my whole life together a hundred percent.

(27:13):

Yes, yes. For sure. I’m always telling people, start with the kitchen counters, like get the stuff off your counters because it really changes your perspective. You spend all this time in there and you have this refreshing space all of a sudden.

(27:26):

Yes. I love that.

(27:28):

Thank you so much for joining us. I am so happy that we were able to connect and to do this interview, and I know that people will be reaching out to you and checking out your podcast soon.

(27:39):

Awesome. Thank you so much.

(27:42):

You can find de at the free and wall podcast for tons more of these confidence building tools that will help you to end the struggle with being held back and empower you to speak up for what is best in your life right now. Thanks for listening to another episode of the intentional edit podcast. I will meet you back here next week for another episode.

(28:03):

Thank you for listening to the intentional edit podcast. If you found today’s episode valuable, tell your friends about it by taking a screenshot, sharing it on social and tagging me at intentional edit. I’ll be back soon with another episode in the meantime, find me@intentionaledit.com and be sure to follow intentional edit on social platforms like Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook, to ensure you catch future episodes, click the subscribe or follow button. Now I am grateful for a five star rating and review from you. Be sure to let me know what you liked about this episode and what you want me to cover in the.

 

 

 

Episode 66 - Identifying OVERWHELM and Finding the CONFIDENCE TO SAY NO to Anything that Isn’t Serving You with Special Guest Devoney Kodad of Free and Well

 

 

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lauren - intentional edit

Lauren is the founder of Intentional Edit, a home organization and lifestyle company focused on consciously editing to create efficient and organized spaces.  Lauren believes that a functional home that looks and feels good has a positive influence on all aspects of life.  Creating systems that allow for the home to function more efficiently, therefore, eliminating most of the clutter and chaos is her priority.  While trends come and go organization is always in style!

 

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