Where are you going – Are the people in your life supporting the changes you want to make to get out of the chaos and make life easier OR are they holding you back…

There are 5 changes you can make to feel confident as you move forward to make positive changes for your family and leave that toxic mom culture behind.

 

 

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Episode 68 -Combating Toxic Mom Culture when You Are Making Positive Changes, Desire Simplicity and Are Trying to Be Present with Your Kids and Enjoy Life - 5 Changes to Make Today

 

 

 

 

Full Episode Transcription (not edited):

Where are you going? Are the people in your life supporting the changes you wanna make to get out of the chaos and make life easier? Or are they holding you back? There are five changes you can make to feel confident as you move forward to make positive changes for yourself and for your family to live a better life, to live a more simplified life and leave that toxic mom culture behind.

(00:25):

Hey moms. Welcome to the intentional edit podcast. Do you wanna stop feeling overwhelmed and finally get your home organized. Do you find yourself up late at night, worrying about how you are going to get everything done and not drop the ball? You are wondering where to start and what to do. There is never enough time in the day. The piles of laundry are building up and it’s already time for after school activities, homework, snacks, and carpool. Oh, again, I’m Lauren. I too want an organized, clean home where my family can make long lasting memories and be present in the moment feeling like there’s never enough time to complete all the daily tasks is exhausting. Simplicity all around a healthy meal on the table at dinnertime and a family that contributes to the chores really is attainable. Stop telling yourself that you have to do it all, or it will never get done. Or that picky eaters will never allow for a complaint free dinner. And this podcast, you will learn exactly how to declutter implement systems and maximize routines that remove the overwhelming unorganized parts of life. Bringing simplicity to your life and home. Come on. It’s time to create a life you love.

(01:34):

Hey friends. Thanks for joining me for another episode of the intentional edit podcast. I am happy to have you here before we get into this episode. I want to let you guys know. I am going to take a two week mini vacation from the podcast. So if you are listening to this, when it comes out, there will not be episodes. The first two weeks of July, if you’re listening to this any other time, no big deal. You can get caught up. You can binge all these episodes whenever you want to. But if you are listening to this the day or two, after it comes out, the 1st of July just know that you are not missing anything. Everything’s working fine. I’m doing a two week podcast, summer vacation. So the first two weeks of July, 2022, there will not be new episodes out. Everything will be back and running just the same as it always has, uh, after the first two weeks.

(02:26):

So a little summer vacation for the podcast. Speaking of summer vacation, everybody’s on summer break. Now summer break is in full swing. During my coaching calls, a lot has come up with same thing as that. I always coach on simplicity, routines, the lack of routine and summer having good systems, decluttering, what it feels like to be surrounded by a clutter and where to start, how do you find the place to start? And then some things recently have come up and that’s what has inspired this episode because a lot of times, or maybe I shouldn’t say a lot of times, but sometimes we feel as moms or parents or just humans with a lot going on, we feel a push. And this urge to simplify things. We know there’s a better way. We know that there is something out there that can help us. If we just make this change, then this will happen.

(03:27):

And it’s just finding that, what is it? Do we need accountability? Do we need someone to help us along the way? Do we need to invest in ourselves to come up with a solution to problems? And a lot of times moms struggle with investing in themselves, but they will pay for private lessons, pay for classes, purchase things, spend money, a lot of money on other things or things for their businesses or career enhancement, type things, continuing education. And that isn’t even a thought sports for your kids, activities, private lessons, all those things. You’re constantly spending money on, but the daily struggles, the things in your life that are impacting you every single day and really impacting everyone in your family and the people that surround you. It can feel strange to spend money on your husband can have a personal trainer three days a week, but you feel guilty about spending the money to do that for yourself.

(04:26):

Do you feel guilty about spending money on self care, things like that. If you are struggling with that little changes, make a big difference. I’m a big advocate on that little, little changes can make a huge difference in your life, but it’s okay to invest in yourself. If you need to have an accountability partner or a coach, something like what I do to feel confident in making these changes and have direction in that. It’s okay. It’s going to help you. The, this is not a lot of money to do a coaching session for the benefit that you get. That goes weeks, months, and years into the future. The things that you learn when you work with someone like this is life changing and it betters you. A lot of times, my coaching clients will give me feedback like, oh my gosh, this was so much more beneficial than a therapy session.

(05:17):

I’m not saying don’t go see a therapist. If that’s what you need right now in your life. That’s great. Do whatever you need to do that serves you. And sometimes that’s 2, 3, 4 things working with different people. You’re not going to get personal training advice from your accountant. Think about it like that. People have specialties and are good at certain things. Do what you need to do to get the help that you need to live the best life you possibly can. In a coaching session. Recently, I was talking with a mom who was really lacking direction, but she knew she wanted to lessen the struggle of the day to day. The mundane things that you have to do every single day, because really as moms, a lot of what we do every single day is the same thing. These things are things that have to be done, tasks that have to be happening to have our house function, have our lives, function, get people to where they need to be, make sure that we’re eating and exercising and getting dressed and getting out the door.

(06:20):

Regular things that happen in life that everyone has to do can be overwhelming and stressful. And this mom that I was working with was really struggling. And I’m sure that you can relate to that. She booked a coaching session with me to start her journey to simplicity. She had mentioned to some other moms that she was feeling overwhelmed and she was really feeling derailed by these other moms because when she was complaining and talking about how hard life is and how tough it is and when her kids misbehave and that her RA relationship with her husband, isn’t perfect. And whenever she was in a negative space or a space of complaining, they were on board and would support that behavior. And they would do the same things, but there wasn’t the encouraging and there weren’t solutions being offered. And it wasn’t a listening ear to come up with something, to help eliminate these problems or anything in the problem solving realm.

(07:24):

And she felt like she wanted to do something for herself to better her family, to better her life, to make things easier. And she’s watched other people do this from a distance. She sees it on social media. She knows it’s possible, but the group of moms that she’s around and even some family members kind of laughed at her. And we’re like, this is like, this isn’t gonna happen to you. You’re wasting your time. You’re wasting your money. And the truth is by investing in herself, even the feedback after implementing some of the things that we came up with in one session, she is feeling a considerable amount of weight lifted and feeling better and everything, all of her feedback to me, sh it was extremely positive and she was grateful and thankful that she took the step forward. Even though the people in her life, the other moms that she surrounds herself with are not supporting her, wanting to do something for the better, to better her family, to, to really simplify, to create these systems.

(08:28):

Think about who are you surrounding yourself with if you’re not feeling supported. And if you are feeling judged, when you share things that are of value to you or things that are happening in your life that are problematic and you want to improve, then that’s really a toxic mom culture. I would love to be part of putting it into that as women and moms and being in groups, whether we do them because we want to, or because it’s a sports team that your kids are on or an activity or the school that your kids go to or something like that. And so you’re working with these people based on something that you have in common. And so you’re always together. We should be supporting each other. We should be wanting what’s best and thinking in the realm of community, over competition and bringing out the best in people being positive, putting positivity out there and eliminating, and really stopping that negativity, judgemental piece that a lot of people have.

(09:32):

If you are wanting to be present with your kids, you are going to find the time to rest, figure out balance in life and in work and soaking up time and making memories. And those are priorities for you. How can you stick with those when you have that toxic mom culture or toxic toxic parenting culture, or just that negativity that we find around us? Sometimes I have five things to keep in mind when you want to make changes, but you don’t feel supported. And the people around you are being judgey. I want you to remember life doesn’t look the same for every family or really for any family. There are differences, and we’ve all heard the expression that we don’t know. What’s really going on behind closed doors, where you are at is not where someone else is at and you don’t have to stay.

(10:25):

And they’re stuck. If you feel like it’s time for you to move forward and better yourself, because you want to be present with your family. You want to make these long lasting memories. You wanna have time to rest and be content in the calm. You want to have some kind of balance between work and life and home tasks and responsibilities. And you want to really just make memories because the years fly by then these things are going to help you. There are no particular order. There are a couple things that came into mind that I have seen work and be helpful for other moms and other people in a similar situation. One of them is let’s put it into the comparison game, stop comparing what is going on in your home and what’s going on in other homes. It doesn’t matter. It’s not helpful. I know it is common and it’s easy to do comparison and jealousy tend to go hand in hand, but focused on you and just remember whatever’s happening over there does not matter in the comparison game.

(11:35):

That would be the first thing that I would recommend. And again, no particular order. I’m just telling you these five things and you can put them in an order that makes sense for you based on what you’re struggling with. Another thing is, the second thing would be prioritize. What is important to you? What are your values? And then create routines that make it possible to implement these priorities for you and your family and fit these things in your day. If it is a priority for you to wake up and start your day without feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, then you need to implement an evening routine that helps with that. So you can wake up to a clean house where you’re ready to go, where things are organized and orderly, and you are ready to tackle the next day. That was just one example. There are tons of things that you can do, and it all is based on your priorities and your values.

(12:33):

What is a priority to you? Figure those things out. You might need to make a list. What are some of these desires of the things that you’re wanting to change and then create routines and systems in your life to make sure that you are making choices and being intentional about moving towards the things that are important to you, those things that are your priorities, the third thing that is extremely important. And this goes a long way with the example that I was giving you of my client earlier is to set boundaries, not only be intentional about setting the boundaries, but create accountability or some type of a check in system, to make sure that you are sticking to these. If you are like me, you can create boundaries in your head and know what’s important and want to be intentional. But following through with those boundaries, especially if they revolve around other people can be difficult.

(13:34):

Because a lot of times we don’t wanna disappoint people or we give in because we want to make someone feel good or be happy, or we just wanna do what they do because we’re avoiding confrontation. But in reality, by doing those things, we are sacrificing, we are suffering and that could be meaning we as our family unit or just you as an individual. So think about setting boundaries that assist you in getting your priorities, making sure that your priorities are happening, set boundaries around screen time, or how much TV you watch or set boundaries around food, health decisions. People work. If you are a person that is overworking set boundaries around the times that you will work or how much you will work in a day, things like that, you can set boundaries over any area of your life. What activities will you participate in?

(14:34):

Do you have a certain day where you need to rest? Do you have a time throughout the week where you have hours that no matter what you do things, do you have people that bring negativity to your life? And so being around them is causing you to be in a state that is not healthy, or that is not the best for you and your family, any of these things and a million other things set boundaries. That make sense. And remember all of these things that I’m telling you are individual for you. You have to customize these for what makes sense for the life that you are currently living and the changes that you want to make to get to the life that you are trying to get to in the comparison game, prioritize, set those priorities and set boundaries. Those are the first three. The next one I want to talk about is expectations.

(15:26):

You’re going to release the expectations. This could be around about people. This can be about things. This could be about a goal. You maybe it’s a weight loss goal. You’ve set for yourself and the number on the scale isn’t moving, but you want to get to this particular weight. It’s not happening as quickly as you thought it should, but you’re seeing changes. You’re losing inches. You feel better. Most importantly, you feel better. You’re more energized. Your brain is clear because you’re moving and you’re doing things that are making a difference. You have prioritized this health journey, but the scale isn’t doing, what you thought it would, that’s an expectation that expectation isn’t serving you. So release the expectation, release expectations around things, around people, around your job, around your boss, around the people that you interact with, whether it is because you have to, or because you thought that you want to, but maybe relationships are changing release expectations around your kids’ behavior.

(16:31):

Expectations can set you up for disappointment. So release the expectations. And the last thing that I thought of really in is kind of encompassing of all the other things that we talked about. And that is to lead by example, you don’t have to agree with everyone that you’re around. You don’t have to have the same philosophies or structure or parenting styles or beliefs in general. When you lead by example, you are being intentional with your actions and your behaviors and the people around you see that. Whether they know that you are putting an effort in to do this or not people assess what you are doing, what you are saying, and your kids see this, and it’s almost role modeling behavior. Think about what do you want your kids to see? How do you want them to be successful as adults or even like presently right now, what kind of character is important to you?

(17:31):

What do you want your kids to put out there? How do you want them to act when you are not around? And of course, when you’re around for me, when I think about good behavior or a good character, kindness being helpful, being willing to give a helping hand, be encouraging. If something is difficult for someone and finding value in others, appreciating their strengths. Even if it’s something that you are unaware of, or you don’t have those things, those are all things that come to mind that are important. And how are you showing up for your family? How are you showing up at work for your kids, for yourself? If this doesn’t align with the priorities that we just talked about, or it doesn’t allow you to stick to your boundaries, then you have to make changes to make sure that this happens so that you can lead by example. So when you have identified your priorities and you know, the things that are important to you, you have your value set, your priorities set, and you have figured out what are your boundaries? Then you can put those into effect and lead by example, by being intentional and all of those things come together. All of those things fall into place. Let’s think about this. If you feel stuck, you feel overwhelmed and you have times where you’re very anxious and stressed out and irritated. If you didn’t make any changes, what would happen?

(19:05):

What would happen if you didn’t make any changes? The answer is nothing, nothing, any different than what happened today and what happened yesterday. And the week before that, and the month before that nothing would change. Everything would continue on as it is. You would continue on the struggle bus. You would continue being the, maybe the hot mess, mom, all of that, you feel the overwhelm. You feel burdened by the clutter. You don’t have anything in the forms of good routines, good systems. You don’t have a feeling of simplicity. You’re always stressed out. You feel overwhelmed, you’re anxious. All of those things would not change. You have to make a decision to make a change. When you feel overwhelmed with the day to day, when you feel easily frustrated or irritated by little things, or, you know, it could be better, you know, it could be easier, but how do you get there?

(20:04):

If you’re looking for a way to simplify the repetitive things that we have to do, the repetitive tasks, the day to day stuff, you want to end that rush, rush, rush, feeling, and arrive on time finally, or even arrive early without scrambling to get someplace. You are probably in a place where you don’t feel supported by your mom community, unless you’re complaining or feeding into the negativity, feeding into the complaints. When you’re around these people that are your friends, or like the mom community, we can call them. If you leave feeling like you’ve been scolded or you aren’t part of the group, when you express wanting more, or you express wanting to make a change, that desire to do better or make a change, or you share things like this podcast or a coaching program, or a course that you’ve taken, or even a Facebook group that is helping you and you share those things and they kind of push it to the side or brush it off.

(21:06):

It’s it’s not helpful to you. Where’s the encouragement. Where’s the kindness. Where are these people that are your community? Where why aren’t they helping you? Why aren’t they supporting you? That’s when you know, you have to do the things that we just talked about, setting the boundaries, figuring out your priorities, stopping the expectations. All of these things are going to assist you in moving towards that simplified life. Moving towards the life where the daily tasks are easier. That thing is flow and function and make sense. When you are in that place, you are stuck. You’re going to stay in the stuck. If you don’t choose to better yourself, if you don’t choose to invest in yourself to make a difference, to get a coach, to have an accountability partner, to work out a plan with a friend, a true friend that wants the best for you.

(22:04):

This is when you use these five things. I just mentioned to up level your life. Just because someone else isn’t ready to grow doesn’t mean you should take on that negativity and settle and stay in the stuck. You already feel the pull to better yourself because you want daily tasks to be easier. You want to be present with your family. You wanna be able to have a few minutes here and there to relax. You wanna feel like your house is picked up and clean and someone could stop by at any moment. And you wouldn’t be overwhelmed. You wanna be content when there is a pause, when there is still, and you wanna say yes to messy activities, when your kids wanna get the Playto out or play outside, because you guys have systems in place to work together, to clean up quickly and get things back to the baseline.

(22:50):

So everyone stays in a place where they feel good, where they can reach their full potential and work together and be happy with how things are instead of overwhelmed and irritated and stressed out all the time. You want quality relationships, full of support and meaningful relationships with the people that you choose to have in your life. I wanna take a minute and go over the five things that I mentioned. So one of them was to end the comparison game. That was the first one we talked about. It’s not helping you. It’s not serving you. Stop the comparison. I know it can be easier said than done, but have that as something that you are consciously aware of, you will see how much you compare. And then you can tell yourself, this is not serving me and change your thought process. In that moment, prioritize what’s important to you, priorities and values.

(23:45):

That’s. Those are huge things that will keep you going where you want to go. If you keep the priorities and your values in mind and make decisions around those. When you’re asked to do something, when you’re going to commit to something, when you are thinking about an answer, if you have your priorities and values in mind, you will know the answer. You will know if you need to say yes or no, you will know what you need to do, because things either align with your priorities and values or they don’t. The other one that goes right along with that is setting boundaries. Something doesn’t align with your priorities and your values. And it’s a violation of the boundaries that you have set. Then you need to find a way out of it. You need to find a way to stop doing it. Boundaries are very important.

(24:39):

Another one that we mentioned today was releasing expectations, release expectations of all things. And the last one that we talked about was leading by example, you put those things all together and you have five things that you can put into place that will help you feel confident in moving in the direction that you want. Even if it’s not surrounded by the people that you are currently with, that are currently bringing you. I know how hard it is to make changes that will better yourself and better your life for your family. The people that are under your roof, that you are around every single day, the people that are most important to you. I know how hard it is to make changes. When the people outside the people surrounding you, aren’t in agreement with what you want to do, but you get to do you, you get to make these changes and live your best life.

(25:34):

It’s out there. I know you see it. That’s why you’re listening to these podcasts. You want simplicity. You want to feel good. You wanna have systems. You want to declutter. You want to have a home that is in an environment that is good for yourself and for your family and for your friends and for whoever you choose to bring in. So you can all live the best life possible. You were and allowed to invest in yourself, release the toxic mom culture and move towards this life that you want to be living. If you need help. Of course, I’m here. And I have a ton of resources on the podcast, go back and listen to the other episodes that you haven’t listened to and zone in on the things that you are wanting to change. If it’s, if your house is a mess and you’re surrounded by belongings and you need help with decluttering and reducing the amount of physical items, that’s in your home zone in on those episodes, and really focus on decluttering and purging and getting rid of the things that are bringing you down.

(26:38):

If it’s systems that are lacking and routines that are you’re struggling with, and you know, there’s a better way, but you don’t know how to implement those. Look for the episodes that talk about systems and routines and that kind of thing. If you really are stuck and you don’t know where to begin, just book a coaching session with me, the link is in the description of this podcast, you can click where it says, book a one-on-one coaching session with Lauren, schedule a session with me, and we can get you dialed in and come up with solutions for the problems that you are struggling with. It’s okay to invest in yourself. It’s something you should be doing because when moms invest in their own self care, everyone in the family benefits, I applaud you for knowing that there’s something better out there. And for trying to identify your struggle so that you can make changes for self improvement, you are doing awesome.

(27:35):

I appreciate you being here and listening to the intentional edit podcast. Don’t forget that I am going on a two week, little summer vacation for, so there will be no new podcast episodes for two weeks, but after that, we’ll be back every Tuesday and Friday with more new episodes. If you have questions that I can answer@overtwointentionaledit.com, click on the button that pops up the record now button and ask a question over there. You leave a message from me just by pressing the button that says record. Now you leave a message just like you would leave a voicemail on the phone and you can ask your question or just share your struggle and what is happening or what do you need help with? And I will answer that on a future tip Tuesday podcast episode, or if it is a lengthy answer, maybe I will just answer that question on a full episode Friday, let me know how I can help you as always.

(28:31):

I am here to help and encourage you and help you get to that simplified life in home by creating routines, maximizing systems and decluttering. So you can finally live your best life that you truly enjoy. I hope you are enjoying your summer break and I will be back here after the two week break with another episode of the intentional edit podcast. Thank you for listening to the intentional edit podcast. If you found today’s episode valuable, tell your friends about it by taking a screenshot, sharing it on social and tagging me at intentional edit. I’ll be back soon with another episode in the meantime, find me@intentionaledit.com and be sure to follow intentional edit on social platforms like Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook, to ensure you catch future episodes, click the subscribe or follow button. Now I am grateful for a five star rating and review from you. Be sure to let me know what you liked about this episode and what you want me to cover in the future.

 

 

 

 

Episode 68 -Combating Toxic Mom Culture when You Are Making Positive Changes, Desire Simplicity and Are Trying to Be Present with Your Kids and Enjoy Life - 5 Changes to Make Today

 

 

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lauren - intentional edit

Lauren is the founder of Intentional Edit, a home organization and lifestyle company focused on consciously editing to create efficient and organized spaces.  Lauren believes that a functional home that looks and feels good has a positive influence on all aspects of life.  Creating systems that allow for the home to function more efficiently, therefore, eliminating most of the clutter and chaos is her priority.  While trends come and go organization is always in style!

 

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